Narcissistic behaviors in teens can be challenging for parents as they often strain family relationships. This guide helps you recognize signs of narcissism in teenage girls, understand why these traits emerge, and find ways to support her growth while keeping family relationships positive.
What is narcissism?
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), narcissism is defined as “excessive self-love or egocentrism.” 1
People with narcissistic traits often prioritize their own needs and seek excessive attention, sometimes at the expense of their relationships.
Signs your daughter might be a narcissist
Identifying narcissistic behaviors in teenage girls can help parents understand their actions better. Here are some specific signs to look for in daughters:
Constant need for social validation
Teen girls with narcissistic tendencies may regularly seek admiration from others to feel valued. 2 This often shows up as:
- Highlighting personal achievements: She may frequently discuss her successes or possessions to impress friends and family.
- Overreacting to criticism: Even mild feedback can result in defensiveness, as she relies on external praise to maintain her self-esteem.
- Seeking attention online: She may post excessively on social media to gain likes and comments, using this feedback as a measure of self-worth.
Lack empathy toward others
Teen girls with narcissistic tendencies often have difficulty seeing beyond their own needs, which may make them appear indifferent to others’ emotions. 3 This lack of empathy may look like:
- Overlooking others’ feelings: She may ignore or dismiss others’ emotions, focusing primarily on her own experiences.
- Insensitive remarks: Comments or jokes may be made without consideration for how they affect others, showing a lack of emotional awareness.
- Difficulty understanding different viewpoints: She may struggle to see things from someone else’s perspective, often leading to relationship misunderstandings.
Manipulative behavior for personal gain
To get what they want, some narcissistic teenage girls may engage in manipulative tactics to control people or situations. Signs of this might include:
- Using compliments or guilt: She may use flattery or guilt-tripping to sway others.
- Blaming others frequently: Responsibility may be shifted onto others, deflecting accountability from herself.
- Creating rivalry: She might instigate competition among friends or family to keep control or feel superior.
Strong sense of entitlement
A daughter with narcissistic traits may feel she deserves special treatment and react negatively when things don’t go her way. 4 This sense of entitlement often appears as:
- Expecting preferential treatment: She may assume she deserves special privileges or favors beyond what is reasonable.
- Ignoring boundaries: Rules may be disregarded if they don’t align with her desires, leading her to push against limits set by others.
- Reacting with anger when denied: Frustration or resentment may arise if she doesn’t get what she wants or is asked to wait.
Excessive focus on appearance and social image
Teenage girls with narcissistic traits may place a strong emphasis on physical appearance and social status. 5 This preoccupation often includes:
- Constant self-comparison: She may compare her looks to others, seeking reassurance that she stands out.
- Seeking compliments on appearance: Validation through social media or peer feedback about her looks may be a high priority.
- Bragging about beauty or style: She might often highlight her appearance, wardrobe, or style choices as a measure of worth.
Difficulty accepting responsibility
A narcissistic teenage daughter may avoid acknowledging her mistakes, often shifting blame or justifying her actions. Signs of this can include:
- Refusing to admit faults: Mistakes may be denied or minimized to avoid taking responsibility.
- Making excuses for behavior: She may justify actions to escape criticism or avoid reflecting on their impact.
- Blaming external factors: Rather than looking inward, she might blame circumstances or others when things go wrong.
Competitive and status-driven nature
For some girls, competition is central to feeling accomplished or superior. 6 This competitive streak often shows as:
- Minimizing others’ successes: She may downplay others’ achievements to feel more important.
- Trying to be the best in social settings: Whether in school, activities, or friendships, she may continually strive to come out on top, sometimes at the cost of relationships.
- Feeling envious of others’ achievements: Success in peers may lead to jealousy or resentment, particularly if it affects her standing.
Does my teen daughter have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?
Teens often show an inflated sense of importance as they explore their identity, but this doesn’t mean they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Differences between narcissistic traits and NPD
Narcissistic behaviors in teens can be common and temporary, while NPD involves deeper, lasting patterns. Here’s how they differ:
- Consistency: Narcissistic traits in teens may come and go, while NPD behaviors are rigid and unchanging.
- Impact on life: For teens with NPD, these behaviors disrupt school, friendships, and family life in a lasting way.
- Handling criticism: Teens with NPD tend to react intensely and avoid self-reflection, while others may be more open to feedback.
Signs of narcissistic personality disorder
If your daughter exhibits consistent behaviors that strongly impact her relationships and well-being, they may be signs of NPD:
- Persistent entitlement: She expects special treatment and disregards others’ needs.
- Constant need for admiration: She seeks validation at the expense of others’ feelings.
- Lack of empathy: Shows ongoing difficulty recognizing or caring about others’ emotions.
Need counseling for your teen’s narcissistic behaviors?
Only a licensed mental health professional can diagnose NPD. If your daughter’s behaviors seem intense or unchanging, consider reaching out to a therapist. They can assess her behaviors and guide you on how to support her growth and well-being best.
How to deal with a narcissistic teenager
Managing narcissistic behaviors in a teenage daughter can be challenging, but with patience and a steady approach, you can guide her toward healthier interactions.
Set firm boundaries with empathy
Setting boundaries creates respect and helps limit behaviors that may hurt her relationships with others. Here’s how to set effective boundaries with empathy:
- Be clear about expectations: Explain which behaviors are acceptable, like respecting others’ opinions.
- Stay consistent: Enforce boundaries calmly and regularly, showing her they are meant to guide, not punish.
- Keep it brief: State boundaries clearly and avoid lengthy discussions that may lead to arguments or pushback.
Help her understand others’ perspectives
Helping your daughter understand others’ feelings can soften her self-centered behavior and improve her relationships. It’s important to remember that, as a teen, she may struggle with this skill as she learns to empathize with others. To encourage empathy:
- Discuss real-life examples: Use relatable situations to show how her actions affect others.
- Ask her to consider others’ feelings: Questions like, “How would you feel if this happened to you?” can open up her perspective.
- Model empathy in your interactions: Show empathy in family interactions, letting her see the impact of kindness and understanding.
Encourage positive behavior and self-awareness
Recognizing positive behavior can help her develop healthier habits. To encourage good actions:
- Notice small, positive steps: Point out when she shows kindness, patience, or respect.
- Give specific praise: Rather than overpraising, say things like, “I appreciated how you listened without interrupting.”
- Help her set goals for growth: Encourage her to set small goals, like listening more during conversations, and celebrate her progress.
Stay calm and consistent in your responses
Keeping your reactions steady can reduce power struggles and help maintain respectful communication. When responding to challenging behavior:
- Stay composed: Avoid emotional reactions that may escalate attention-seeking behavior.
- Take breaks if needed: If conversations become manipulative or unproductive, step away until she can talk respectfully.
- Maintain emotional distance: Remember her behavior often reflects inner struggles; staying objective can help you avoid reacting emotionally.
Encourage responsibility and accountability
Teaching responsibility can counter entitlement and encourage self-reliance. Here’s how to promote accountability:
- Allow her to experience natural consequences: When safe, let her see the impact of her actions to reinforce responsibility.
- Support her problem-solving skills: Guide her to find solutions rather than shifting blame, helping her own her actions.
- Follow through on agreed-upon consequences: Consistently enforce boundaries to emphasize the importance of accountability.
Model respectful behavior
Demonstrating respect and self-awareness can set a strong example. To model healthy behaviors:
- Show self-respect in your interactions: Express your needs clearly and respectfully, balancing self-respect with consideration for others.
- Take responsibility for your actions: Acknowledge when you make a mistake, and show her how to handle errors gracefully.
- Respect her need for independence: Allow her some age-appropriate independence within boundaries.
Support healthy coping mechanisms
Learning to manage emotions can be difficult for teens with narcissistic tendencies. Encourage coping mechanisms that help her manage stress and frustrations positively:
- Encourage journaling or creative outlets: Activities like journaling or art can help her process emotions constructively.
- Promote physical activity: Exercise is a natural way to manage stress, helping her regulate emotions.
- Guide her toward mindfulness: Techniques like deep breathing or meditation can help her develop patience and self-awareness.
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Why teen girls display narcissistic traits
Teen girls may show narcissistic behaviors due to various factors. These include:
Focus on self-image and social validation
Teen girls often strongly emphasize appearance and social standing, seeking validation in ways that can appear self-centered.
- Appearance-focused culture: Society and peer pressure can cause girls to focus heavily on their looks and style, sometimes overemphasizing their image.
- Social media validation: Many girls rely on likes, comments, and followers to feel valued, which can drive behaviors centered on gaining attention and admiration.
Emotional sensitivity and insecurity
Girls often face high emotional demands during adolescence, and a focus on self may be a response to underlying insecurity.
- Covering self-doubt: Behaviors like boasting or exaggerating achievements may mask insecurities or fears of inadequacy.
- Mood-driven actions: Emotional highs and lows can cause impulsive, self-focused reactions as girls navigate their emotions.
Family and cultural messaging
Certain family dynamics and cultural messages can reinforce narcissistic behaviors in teen girls.
- Praise around looks or success: Girls who receive attention primarily for appearance or achievements may learn to prioritize these qualities.
- Role modeling: Girls often adopt behaviors they see in family or popular culture, including self-promotion or entitlement if valued at home or in media.
Peer influence and comparison
Teen girls frequently compare themselves to peers, creating a heightened desire to stand out and feel superior.
- Need to “measure up”: Comparison with friends or influencers can create pressure to present an idealized image.
- Social hierarchies: Girls may focus on popularity or status, striving for a sense of importance within social groups.
Final thoughts
Handling a teenage daughter’s narcissistic behavior can feel overwhelming for any parent. When her actions start affecting the family or seem more intense than usual teenage challenges, it may help to seek additional support.
Our residential program helps teens learn empathy, take responsibility, and rebuild positive family relationships.
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Sources
1. APA Dictionary of Psychology. (n.d.). Narcissism. In APA Dictionary of Psychology. American Psychological Association. Retrieved November 14, 2024, from https://dictionary.apa.org/narcissism
2. Brummelman, E., Thomaes, S., Nelemans, S. A., de Castro, B. O., Overbeek, G., & Bushman, B. J. (2015). Origins of narcissism in children. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 112(12), 3659–3662. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1420870112
3. Hepper, E. G., Hart, C. M., & Sedikides, C. (2014). Moving narcissus: Can narcissists be empathic? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 40(9), 1079–1091. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167214535812
4. Zitek, E. M., Jordan, A. H., Monin, B., & Leach, F. R. (2010). Victim entitlement to behave selfishly. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(2), 245–255. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017168
5. Vazire, S., Naumann, L. P., Rentfrow, P. J., & Gosling, S. D. (2008). Portrait of a narcissist: Manifestations of narcissism in physical appearance. Journal of Research in Personality, 42(6), 1439–1447. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2008.06.007
6. Bogart, L. M., Benotsch, E. G., & Pavlovic, J. D. (2004). Feeling superior but threatened: The relation of narcissism to social comparison. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 26(1), 35-44. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15324834basp2601_4
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Author: Editorial Staff
NOVEMBER 20, 2024